For those of you who are suckers for the holiday, here are some tips that I have purposely done on dates myself and not so purposely have done and guilty of. And for those of you who know me and whom have received advice from me when it comes to these matters, you know I've never let you down. The rules are as follows:
1. Do NOT get drunk. Guys tend to get arrogant when alcohol is involved. Which as a result makes them less attractive and makes them look stupid. I don't know, maybe you like that? I think it is a true sign of what is to come later on. If you get drunk, toss all chivalry out the door because hes trying to sleep with you at the end of the date. And, being sensible and mature as I am sure you are, kindly decline; you are then labeled as a prude. Funny how that works right? Better a prude than a trollop. So spare yourselves the bullshit and don't get drunk. A glass or two is ok but even then I would refrain because the temptation to order another will come around.
2. Do NOT talk about your past relationships. It is a complete killjoy for both parties. You don't want to hear about his or her's past, and vice versa. If you find yourself rambling on and you start talking about your past relationships; STOP. Immediately. It shows that you are running out of things to talk about. I like to think of the first and second dates as 'getting to know one another;' not what didn't work because you might cut your date short by describing the person sitting in front of you.
3. Do NOT look at your cell phone. In fact, turn it the hell off. That is a HUGE pet-peeve of mine. The person in front of you should be more intriguing to look at than your phone. If they aren't, you already have problems.
4. Do NOT put up a facade. That is probably the biggest mistake most people make on dates. Be yourself. Do not try to come off nicer or meaner than you really are because eventually, if all does work out, the truth will out and then you will appear fake. If he/she can't handle your true self, then it wasn't meant to be.
5. After the date and you have said your goodbyes (hopefully a kiss?), do NOT text him or call him until at least 2 days. Let him contact you. I am not saying play some sort of game with him, but it is the easiest tell-tale sign of how the date really went without embarrassing yourself. If he enjoyed it, he will contact you. RESIST THE URGE! If he is too afraid to contact you because he isn't sure if you liked him, then that's a win-win.
6. Do NOT get your hopes up and assume their will be a 2nd or 3rd or 4th date. You do not have the deal in the bag until you are seeing/talking to each other on a regular basis. You know you have nailed them when they can't stop being in constant contact with you. I am not saying be a cynic but it helps avoid heartache and depression and I am all about avoiding those.
7. On your date, order something (appetizer perhaps?) that both of you can share and enjoy together. Dates where two people order completely separate things are lacking connectivity from the start. I see it time and time again from distant observations and from personal experiences. Take my advice, sharing goes a long way. At the end of the meal, GET a desert and share it. That is truly an enjoyable moment when you are indulging in a chocolate lava cake or a crepe together.
8. Be funny! Guys or girls LOVE being able to laugh with one another. That to me is common sense and for those of my readers who know me, you know laughing is a big thing in my books and goes a LONG way. Talk about funny/embarrassing moments. You can really tell what kind of person the other is if they can make you laugh and laughing is contagious, let's be real.
9. Be original, don't go to the movies as a first or second date. How are you supposed to get to know them when the whole purpose of the movie is to shut up? Even if it is dinner AND a movie; the movie is pointless. Do that later down the road when you have run out of things to talk about.
10. Guys have the HARDEST time when it comes to ideas for dates, so kindly give him a nudge in what you think would be a nice date. After all, it is you he is trying to please. If he needs the extra help, help him. Don't play the whole damsel in distress card and make him make all the decisions for you. That whole "its up to you" act is atrocious and annoying. You might as well slap a tattoo on your forehead that says "I am high maintenance!"
11. Look for eye contact. Wandering eyes show that there is chemistry lacking. If you notice they are not keeping the conversation going and looking around, ask for the check and run.
12. Avoid talking about controversial things like politics, religion and money. Politics can get heated. Religion is boring and who really cares if you believe in god or not. If that is a deal breaker, you have some issues you need to resolve before you go on a date; it's 2012. Money never helps any situation. It can either make you seem high maintenance, spoiled or shallow or even inconsiderate because you don't know what the other persons background is or where they come from.
These basic steps are fool proof and will spare you a lot of bullshit if you follow them. Try not to think too hard in what is being said or done or what is not being said or done. Don't over-analyze things because your mind starts playing tricks on you and you start to disappoint yourself. If it doesn't work out, then it doesn't work out. You move on. Don't start feeling sorry for yourself because you then start to convince yourself it was you. If it didn't work out, it was the BOTH of you. Losing self-confidence allows you to lose your individual identity and it will show in your next date. Also, don't avoid meeting new people and avoid love because you are afraid to get hurt. Getting hurt is all part of the process and it's about the only thing to feeling human as we got. What doesn't kill us makes us stronger and as cliche as that sounds, it really is true.
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